Reasons Not To Fall In Love Read online

  you like I am now if I didn’t think you were sexy as hell?” His eyes bore into mine as his body pressed against mine and his hand slid down, cupping my breasts before sliding down further to palm my rounded stomach. “Look at all these delicious curves. You’re hot as sin, believe me. I can’t think with anything other than the little head around you.”

  His mouth closed over mine, and while he was lavishing attention on me and his naked body was pressed against mine, I actually started to believe him. With the attention of someone like Harrison Baxter firmly fixed on me, I no longer felt the need to hold the sheet to my chest. He rolled so that I was on top of him, his arms wound around me, holding me against him tightly as the air in the room seemed to get hotter and hotter – or maybe that was the passion inside me building.

  His lips brushed against mine as he spoke. “I just can’t get enough of you. I’ve rested enough, want to go again?” he offered, grinning wickedly.

  I giggled and nodded eagerly. This was easily the best time I had ever had with a man, ever.

  I woke with a pain in my head that was so severe I whimpered and pressed my fists into my eyes to stop them from falling from their sockets. My stomach clenched as I struggled to fight the seasickness that was rolling over me. Then I realised it wasn’t seasickness, it was a hangover. A self-inflicted, too much whiskey and laughing, hangover. I’d brought this on myself.

  I groaned and turned my head to the side, wondering what was causing the pressure across the small of my back. As I squinted and tried to get my vision to clear, Harrison’s face came into focus. My mouth popped open in shock as memories of last night flooded my brain. I remembered everything seemingly at once: the flirting, the alleyway, coming home with him, the talking, the sex, more sex and finally falling asleep in his arms.

  “Oh God,” I whispered, looking at him with wide eyes.

  What on earth have I done? Immediately I was scolding myself for ignoring Skye’s intervention. She was totally right, this was going to make things awkward between him and me when I saw him the next few times. I couldn’t bring myself to regret it though. My body was aching in a deliciously satisfied way that it hadn’t ached in years. No, there was definitely no regret. But I did need to leave before this got extremely awkward.

  He was lying on his stomach, his arm was casually slung over the small of my back. His beautiful face was inches from mine. He looked incredible when he was sleeping – so innocent, young and peaceful. His hair was a mess, sticking out at all angles. I raked my eyes down his back, seeing little fingernail imprints there. On his shoulder there was a sore-looking bite-mark. I winced, not remembering biting him hard enough to leave a mark like that but then again, he did look exceptionally biteable, so I was pretty sure I would have made good on that particular fantasy too.

  I turned over slowly, trying not to wake him. I didn’t exactly want him to witness my walk of shame. Pushing myself out of the bed, I tiptoed around his room, gathering up my clothes and then silently headed out into the lounge as I pulled them on.

  I took a couple of deep breaths as I tried to calm my nerves. I didn’t feel dirty or used – quite the opposite actually because, for one night, I’d had the perfection of Harrison Baxter all to myself. I’d been his object of affection for the night. In some weird way, I felt a little special because I’d managed to gain the interest of a guy like him. That one night had boosted my confidence tenfold, and I figured that maybe, just maybe, I’d been wrong all of these years. Maybe I wasn’t quite the ugly beast that stared back at me when I looked in the mirror. Harrison had certainly lavished attention on my body last night so I couldn’t be that disgusting to all males – maybe it was just Finn.

  I grabbed my purse and walked out of his place without looking back. I held my head high as I stood on the curb outside the beautiful Grade 2 listed Georgian townhouse that he owned a maisonette flat in, and hailed a black cab. As I slid into the back seat, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. I was going to remember that one perfect night for the rest of my days.

  When I got back to Skye’s place, my happy bubble burst immediately. She was sitting on the sofa, arms folded over her chest, an angry look on her face.

  Oh bollocks.

  “Hey,” I mumbled, wishing I could hide somewhere.

  “I won’t bother asking where you’ve been,” she stated, her eyes roaming down my body with a knowing look on her face.

  I winced. “Er… OK.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I wasn’t worried about you though, because Harrison mysteriously disappeared before the speeches too, so I figured he was seeing you home safely.” She raised one eyebrow. “So, was it worth it?”

  I couldn’t lie to her, she would see through me immediately. Instead, a little dreamy sigh escaped my lips as I nodded. “Totally.”

  She laughed and shook her head before her expression turned a little worried. “Bronwyn, you’re going to get hurt. He’s not into commitment at all.”

  I dropped down onto the sofa next to her. “Good, because I really don’t need another guy in my life. I don’t want a relationship, so a one night stand was perfect. And hot damn was it perfect,” I cooed, sighing dreamily again.

  “I’ll bet it was. So, give me details then,” she whispered, turning in her seat and looking at me excitedly.

  Before I could spill the beans on my night of passion, Evie dashed into the room and jumped onto the sofa next to me. “Auntie Bronwyn, I missed you!” she chirped.

  I grinned and nodded, kissing the top of her head. “I missed you too, sweetie pie.” I sighed and knew it was time to go home. Technically, I was due to stay here until tonight, but after last night and going home with Harrison, I had the strong urge to go hide so the awkwardness could die down quickly. I smiled at Skye. “I think I’m going to catch the earlier train and go see if Theo’s been behaving himself,” I lied.

  She didn’t buy it at all and nodded in understanding. “Ah, the avoidance and regret begins,” she joked.

  I laughed and shook my head. “No regrets at all, trust me. I won’t even see him until the next big Hanklin event, so I’m safe until a birthday comes up or something and you have a get-together,” I replied. I couldn’t keep the grin off of my face as I kissed the top of Evie’s head and nodded towards the stairs. “Want to help me pack up, sweetie pie?” She nodded eagerly, and we walked upstairs towards the bedroom that I was supposed to have slept in last night.

  An hour later and I was done packing, and we’d just finished eating a late breakfast. Brandon’s mobile started ringing, so he answered it at the table. “All right, mate?” His eyes flicked up to me as he nodded. “Yeah, she’s right here.” Instantly I knew it was Harrison. I shook my head and winced, mouthing that I didn’t want to speak to him. “Yeah, I’ll put her on,” Brandon said, holding out the phone and smirking at me. “Guess who?”

  I groaned and took the phone, pushing myself away from the table. Damn it. If only I’d not let Skye talk me into eating first then I would have already been at the station by now and then I wouldn’t have to speak to him until the next time I came to visit.

  “Hey,” I muttered into the phone, walking into the lounge and closing the dining room door so that I could get a little privacy.

  “So I guess I can stop worrying that you were abducted by aliens or something after I fell asleep,” Harrison laughed.

  I smiled and closed my eyes. “Sorry about that. I just had to get back to pack and stuff,” I lied.

  “Pack? You leaving already? I thought you said you weren’t leaving until tonight?” he replied, sounding a little confused.

  “Theo emergency,” I lied.

  “Oh yeah? Everything OK?”

  I sighed and wished I’d come up with a different excuse. “Yeah. I’m just catching an earlier train.”

  I flopped down onto the sofa and looked up at the ceiling. The sound of his voice was bringing back little memories from last night. His voice was all husky and thick with sleep and i
t was very close to the sound of the voice that purred dirty things to me last night as he took my body to places I’d barely even thought about in the last few years.

  “So, if you’re going home early then maybe we could meet up next weekend then or something,” he suggested.

  Confusion settled over me. Meet up? “Huh?”

  He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I’ve not been to London for ages. Do you, er, have any nice restaurants near you or anything?”

  “Harrison, what are you talking about?” I mumbled, shaking my head.

  “Wait, you… you don’t want to see me again?” he asked incredulously.

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the shock that resonated in his tone. Obviously he’d never had a girl brush him off the morning after. “Harrison, as fun as last night was, we both know that it was a one night thing. Let’s not pretend this is going to go anywhere. Why don’t we just leave it as a great night, and next time we see each other we can just pretend like it never happened?” I suggested, shrugging easily.

  “Oh. Right, well… er…” he stuttered. I frowned, wondering why he seemed so shocked about it; maybe he’d been expecting me to be all clingy this morning. “Sure, sounds good then. I guess I’ll be seeing you around at some point,” he continued.

  “Yep. Thanks for a great night.” I winced as I said it. That line made me sound like a first class slut. In reality, I kind of was a little. I didn’t want a relationship with him, but I had just needed him last night. We both used each other to get what we wanted, so there was no harm in admitting that fact. We were both adults, after all.

  “Yeah, it was fun,” he replied. “I’d better go and put my room back together,” he said, laughing.

  I giggled and chewed on my lip. “Bye, Harrison.” I disconnected the call and smiled. That had gone smoother than I expected. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any awkwardness between us after this. I didn’t really see him from one year to the next, so he would probably have forgotten it by the time I came back here next anyway.

  When I stopped on the step of Finn’s parents’ house, I could already hear the heated argument going on inside. I sighed and leant against the wall. So much for my break from the stroppy teenager! After taking a couple of deep breaths, I opened the door without bothering to knock. Finn’s parents’ house was like my second home because we came to visit often. As the door opened, I just caught the end of the speech that Nina, Finn’s mother was shouting.

  “When she finds out, she’s not going to be happy at all. You know she’s going through enough without this on top! You should be thinking about her right now, Theo, not yourself!” Nina cried angrily.

  “So just don’t tell her then and there’s no problem,” Theo countered just as angrily.

  My stomach sank as I headed into the lounge and dropped my overnight bag down onto the floor. “Don’t tell me what?” I asked, looking at him accusingly.

  Immediately Theo’s eyes widened before he shifted on his feet sheepishly. “Nothing. What you doing back here so early?” he asked, obviously trying to change the subject. I raised one eyebrow at him and waited for him to tell me what had happened. As much as my son could be a pain in the arse sometimes, we still had a great relationship. He didn’t lie to me, and I respected him for that. He knew he got into more trouble for lying than he did for actually doing the thing in the first place. He sighed dramatically and looked up at the ceiling. “I snuck out last night and had a few drinks at a party. I slept at Rochelle’s,” he stated.

  I looked at Nina apologetically. “I’ll take it from here. Thanks, Nina.” She threw her hands up in exasperation and stormed out of the room. She didn’t seem able to handle his teenage years as well as I could. “Wanna sit?” I offered once we were alone, plopping down on the sofa and nodding to the place next to me.

  Theo rolled his eyes. “No, but I’m guessing that wasn’t really a question but more of a request with a question mark on the end,” he replied sarcastically, plopping down next to me and folding his arms across his chest defensively.

  I smiled because I could remember a time when I had that feistiness about me, but Finn had chased that off and left me too self-conscious to be like that any more. “Baby,” I started, but he held up one hand to cut me off.

  “Not a baby,” he growled.

  I sighed and rested my head back on the sofa. “You’ll always be my baby no matter how old you are.” I looked him over – his hair needed a proper cut, it was getting long at the front and he had to keep pushing it out of his eyes, apparently it was supposed to be like that though. I couldn’t keep up with teenage boy fashion, so I just kept my opinion to myself these days. “Have a good time at the party?” I asked.

  He turned his head, his deep brown eyes meeting mine as he nodded.

  “You and Rochelle still just friends?” I asked, hoping the answer was a yes. They were great friends and had grown up together, but I had a feeling he had a secret crush on her. I was hoping they wouldn’t get together for a few years though, because once they did it would probably get heavy quickly.

  He nodded and sucked his teeth with his tongue. “I don’t need this lecture, I have a hangover,” he growled.

  “Me too,” I admitted. He smiled at me then and I shifted so I could put my head on his shoulder. “Do me a favour. Apologise to your nan for sneaking out last night. She was probably worried about you,” I pleaded.

  He frowned, but nodded. “Fine.”

  “Fine,” I agreed. I sighed and looked up at him. “You all right though, other than that?”

  His face softened slightly as he looked back at me. He obviously knew I was asking about me and his dad getting divorced. “Yeah, I’m good. You OK?”

  I smiled and nodded. “I’m good too,” I confirmed honestly. He leant forward and kissed my forehead softly for a split second before pushing himself up off the sofa. I grinned at him wickedly. “I’m telling your friends you did that,” I teased.

  He laughed and shook his head. “Go for it, they wouldn’t believe you anyway,” he stuck his tongue out at me before stalking out of the door, hopefully to find his nan and apologise.

  June 2014

  Two months passed quickly. Everything was working out great, actually. Theo and I were settling into a nice routine on our own in the flat. I had barely seen Finn – which was awesome in my book. Sure, life was hard on my own, being a single mum terrified me, but I was still glad that I finally took a stand and filed for divorce. I no longer had to put on the act that I was happy. I no longer had to try and pretend like I didn’t hate him. I no longer had to put up with feeling second best to every girl he could charm into bed. All in all, everything was perfect – except for one teeny, tiny little thing. I hadn’t had a period.

  The unopened box seemed to be staring at me as I sat on the bathroom floor. No matter how many times I picked up the box, I just didn’t have the nerve to actually take out the little stick and pee on it. I was scared of what would happen if I did.

  When I’d missed the first period, I’d convinced myself that it was because I was stressed, what with everything going on. I’d skipped periods before when I was stressed, so I wasn’t too worried about it. But this was now the second one missed. Still, I had tried to tell myself that everything was fine, that my boobs had gotten slightly bigger and more sensitive because I was eating the wrong foods. I tried to tell myself that I didn’t like the smell of grease any more because I’d been around it too much at work. I tried to pretend that I’d just gone off the taste of tea because it was a phase. But this morning, there was no denying the fact that I woke up and had barely made it to the bathroom before I emptied my stomach.

  I hadn’t voiced my concerns to anyone. I’d gone to work as normal, worked my dawn cleaning job, then finished my lunchtime shift at the café, and on the way home I’d made a stop at the pharmacy to buy the little stick that was either going to stop me worrying, or send my life into a spiral of shit.

  I heard door hinges creak a se
cond before the door hit me square in the back. “Oh shit. Sorry, Mum,” Theo apologised. I looked up, seeing him squeeze through the gap and look at me worriedly. “What the hell? What’s happened?” he cried, dropping to his knees next to me.

  I gulped, not having a clue what to say. I’d drummed into him time and time again about being careful with girls, about using protection and not getting himself into the same situation that I got myself into when I was a teenager. It appeared that I should have been listening to my own advice.

  “Nothing’s wrong, I just…” I struggled to come up with something to answer that wasn’t the truth. My mind was totally blank apart from replaying my one night stand with Harrison over and over. I could still picture it perfectly – the caresses, the kisses and whispered words. The only thing I couldn’t bring to the front of my mind was whether he put on a condom or not. In my mind’s eye, I couldn’t see him doing it at all. Which meant that we’d probably had unprotected sex at least four times that night.

  “Why are you sitting on the floor? Did you slip or something?” Theo questioned.

  I shook my head, still clutching at the little box in my hand tightly. He frowned and looked down into my lap, his eyes latching onto the test.

  He gasped and shook his head. “That’s not mine, I have no idea whose that is,” he stated quickly with wide eyes. “That is nothing to do with me, I swear to God, I haven’t even… it’s not mine!” he promised.

  I wanted to laugh because he looked terrified, as if he thought I was going to rip into him at any second or something. “I know,” I whispered.

  He gulped as understanding crossed his face. “Oh no. Please tell me you’re not pregnant,” he groaned, shaking his head.

  I licked my lips and shrugged. “I haven’t taken it yet.”

  He closed his eyes, and his jaw tightened angrily. “Well this is just freaking great. Tell me this happened before you divorced him; please tell me you two aren’t back together or something,” he ranted.

  I frowned, a little confused by that statement. He thinks the baby is Finn’s? “We’re not together,” I confirmed, shaking my head fiercely. That would never happen in a million years; I would rather stick my hand into a bucket of acid than take him back again.