Guarding the Broken: (Nothing Left to Lose, Part 1) (Guarded Hearts) Read online

  He nodded. “Yeah, I found it on the ‘what to do in your town’ tourist website,” he answered, smiling at my astonished face.

  He took my hand, laughing, and gave me a little tug towards the dance floor. His arms wrapped around me, and I smiled as we swayed slowly to the beautiful, yet haunting music that surrounded us. It was perfect. As I looked up and his eyes met mine, my stomach fluttered erratically, and my heart started to race.

  We danced for about an hour before I started to feel slightly chilly. He frowned, chafing his hands up my arms as I shivered. “Want to go?” he asked.

  I shook my head quickly. I didn’t ever want to leave, actually. “Not yet. Can we just stay a little longer?” I pouted, not wanting this night to end.

  He smiled sadly before pulling out of my arms. I sighed, knowing the experience was over. But instead of leaving, he stripped out of his shirt and wrapped it around my shoulders instead, helping me put my arms into the holes before fastening a couple of the buttons for me.

  My heart melted at the thoughtful gesture. “You’re just too sweet, Ashton. Seriously, you’re going to make some girl really happy.” I stepped back into his body, resting my head on his chest.

  “Yeah? Some girl like you?”

  I sighed wistfully. “Yeah, maybe not as screwed up as me though. You need someone who’ll treat you right, and not give you shit,” I answered. I closed my eyes, enjoying being close to him.

  “Maybe I like being given shit,” he joked, tracing his hands up my back.

  “What are you, a masochist?”

  “All things worth having are worth fighting for,” he replied firmly. I didn’t know what to say in response to that. I agreed with his statement wholeheartedly, but some things were just not worth having, and I was certainly one of those things.

  We danced for another few songs before the cold seemed to seep into my very bones and I could no longer repress the shivers, even with his shirt and arms wrapped around my body. “Wow, I’m really cold now,” I admitted. “Maybe we could come back another time, and I’ll bring a jacket,” I suggested, smiling at him hopefully. I loved it here; I would definitely like to come back again with him.

  He pulled back and smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry; I should have thought to bring you a jacket.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Hey, don’t do that! You’ve been so thoughtful, and I’ve had a great night,” I insisted, hugging him tightly.

  “Me too.” He kissed my temple as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, guiding me back down the windy street to where we’d parked the car. During the drive home, I watched him from the corner of my eye, just wondering what it would be like if things were different and if this were real, instead of being a ruse to fool people into believing we were dating instead of him guarding me.

  When we pulled up at home, Dean’s car rolled into the space next to ours. My mouth fell open in shock. “Was Dean following us?”

  Ashton grinned and nodded. “Yeah, of course,” he confirmed, opening my door for me.

  “Why?” I asked, slightly annoyed that he had watched our private date.

  “That’s his job, Baby Girl,” he replied casually.

  I sighed and shook my head; they really were taking this too far. As Dean caught us up and stepped into the elevator, I forced a smile. “You did a great job tonight. I didn’t even see you once,” I congratulated, trying to keep the irritation out of my tone.

  He nodded and smiled as the doors slid open on our floor. “Thanks, Annabelle, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Ashton stepped out first, looking around. “Tell Peter that we’re back and his shift starts now, so he’s to get his ass downstairs in the lobby quick smart.” His face showed he was joking, but the tone of his voice showed that he meant every word. Dean nodded and watched us walk into the apartment.

  Once we were safely inside, I turned and smiled tentatively at Ashton. My daring side was coming out because I wanted this perfect night to end the perfect way. “So, do I get a goodnight kiss then?” I asked shyly. His eyebrows rose in surprise, but he didn’t say anything. I smiled. “What, you wouldn’t kiss me at the door if this was under different circumstances?” I teased.

  “Yeah, I guess I would,” he smiled and stepped closer to me, putting his hands on my waist and pushing me back gently so that my back was against the wall. I couldn’t breathe as my eyes settled on his luscious lips. I gulped, forcing myself to meet his eyes as he started inching his mouth towards mine. The passion was building inside me.

  His lips brushed against mine gently for just a couple of seconds. My whole body tingled and heat spread through my veins, warming every part of my body. His eyes were shining with excitement and happiness as he pulled away.

  I fought the urge to throw myself at him, to wrap myself tightly around him and ravage his mouth with mine. He always seemed to make me lose myself, this boy. It was like he had a secret power over me that made all of my inhibitions and worries fade into insignificance.

  “Thank you for an incredible night, Anna.”

  I smiled. It had been incredible, and I was glad he’d had a nice time too.

  He sighed, tracing his finger across my cheek. “I like it when you smile. Your whole face lights up.” His hand dropped from my face as he nodded over his shoulder towards the bedroom door. “Go get changed, I’ll check the windows and stuff.”

  Once in the privacy of the bedroom, I shrugged out of my clothes and into a pair of pyjamas, and then used a wipe to remove my make-up. When I was ready for bed, I sat down on the corner of the mattress and looked at my photo of Jack on my bedside cabinet. I sighed; I just didn’t know what to feel anymore. I didn’t want to go back to the life I used to have before Ashton. I was enjoying college, I loved my classes, the people here were nice and made me laugh, and of course, I had Ashton. He made my life easier. He was great. Actually, he was really great, and he made me happy.

  My gaze locked on my fifteen-year-old carefree face in the photo; I was smiling so happily with Jack. I hadn’t ever expected to feel happy again after what happened, but I just couldn’t help it lately. There was just something about Ashton. He was slowly fixing me, I could feel it. The trouble was though that I actually felt guilty for letting him. My head was telling me that I should stay the broken girl that walked through life alone, that I shouldn’t be allowed to be happy after what had happened to Jack and that he’d died because of me. But my heart was telling me that I was being irrational and that just because he was gone, didn’t mean that my life had to be over.

  I just didn’t know the answer anymore. Everything that I knew and was absolutely sure about before I met Ashton was now a little fuzzy and confusing.

  Behind me, the bedroom door opened, and he walked in with a smile on his face that made my heart stutter – which, in turn, made me feel even guiltier because I just didn’t have any control over my body at all anymore. I hated that. Control was something that Carter had taken away from me, and I’d fought with everything I had in me to regain it. But Ashton took it with just one of his smiles.

  He smiled and started stripping off his clothes while I just stood there watching him unashamedly. Why is every move he makes so freaking sexy? My eyes took in every inch of him. His body was amazing; I’d never seen anything like it. Jack’s body had been nice because he'd been captain of the football team, but it was nothing like Ashton’s. Ashton was just flawless, not too much muscle but clearly defined, and wasn’t too bumpy to lie on comfortably. When he started unbuttoning his jeans, I had to look away, because my body was starting to long for things that I shouldn’t and couldn’t have.

  When he picked up the spare blanket and started walking towards the sofa bed, the words tumbled from my mouth before I could stop them. “Will you sleep with me again tonight?” I winced, turning and climbing into the bed as my face flamed with heat. I hated the fact that I wanted his presence around me all the time.

  “You want me to?”

  I nodded in respon
se, flopping down onto my front and burying my face into the pillow. Moments later, the bed dipped next to me. I turned to the side and smiled gratefully as I scooted closer to him, melting against him and pressing my face into the side of his neck as his arms circled around me. I loved him touching me, everywhere he touched, my body would tingle. His attention made me feel special and needed. At times like this, with his arms looped around me tightly, I pretended that he really was my boyfriend instead of just doing his job. I pretended that he really did want me and that he saw past the broken, dirty and used girl, to see the real me inside. The girl that I didn’t let anyone else see.

  “Ashton?” I mumbled against his skin, half asleep already.

  “Mmm?”

  “That was the best date I’ve ever had,” I admitted.

  His arms tightened around me, pulling me impossibly closer. “Good.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Six weeks passed in a blur of school, drawing, laughing and flirting. The days and weeks passed so fast that I could barely keep up; somehow, Ashton made every day seem better than the last. He was always sweet and kind and considerate, always had something to talk about, or some way to make me laugh. He would kiss me occasionally, making me yearn for him so badly at times that I swore it would kill me soon. Every time it would be him that broke off the kiss first and not the other way around. Another thing that had changed in the last six weeks: I no longer slept alone. I gave up fighting the fact that I liked his hugs way too much, and in the end just suggested that we forgo the sofa bed in favour of sharing. So far it had worked out perfectly and I revelled waking each morning being wrapped up tightly in his arms.

  Of course, Ashton was doing his job perfectly. I no longer had problems with guys hitting on me because he was the perfect, little, possessive boyfriend when someone got too close to me. Our ‘relationship’ was blossoming too. Every Friday we would go out for date night, going to different places like the movies, dinners or walks in the park. It was lovely. Another thing that was in our routine now was the shooting range and with each passing session it seemed to affect me less and less. I still hadn’t gotten a better shot though, much to his amusement.

  We were hanging out with our group of friends a lot too. Usually every Saturday, we would go to a bar or a party or something. Rosie was my favourite; she was adorable and funny and our personalities seemed to click instantly. I was even getting more comfortable with the guys of the group too, so much so that when Tim put his hand on my shoulder whilst laughing one night, I didn’t even freak out and want to break it. I owed everything to Ashton, if he wasn’t here I would still be an aggressive, quivering wreck.

  I thought of Jack less often – which did make me feel guilty. Sometimes it seemed like the guilt would crush me. Whenever I was feeling down though, Ashton would always cheer me up with a joke or a hug, or a little gift. He was terribly romantic at times, downloading songs he thought I would like, or writing me little messages in the mirror so I would see them when I had a shower. He’d honestly make the perfect boyfriend for someone one day.

  Today I was repaying him a little for his kindness that he’d shown me over the last few weeks. It was his birthday in a couple of weeks, and although I’d already arranged most of his gift by phone, I still had a little bit of shopping to do for it. The only problem was how I was getting away from him so I could surprise him. Of course, I’d debated sneaking out when he was in the shower, but I had a strong feeling he would freak out and worry himself to death about me. So instead I’d opted for a little white lie that Dean and Peter were helping me with.

  “Hey, Pretty Boy, I’m going out with Dean today,” I said casually as I made my way up the hallway on Sunday afternoon. I’d left it until now to spring it on him; otherwise he would use the advance warning to come up with some way to ensure he came with me. He was obsessive about not leaving my side even for a minute.

  “What? Why? Where?” he asked, walking up behind me and taking my hand, stopping my escape.

  “I have an appointment,” I lied, shrugging and looking longingly at the door.

  He frowned; his body tensing. “Your legs don’t look that hairy to me,” he joked, looking me over in my cropped jeans.

  I laughed weakly. “Well, maybe I’m not having my legs done.” I smirked at him, tapping his nose with my finger.

  He groaned, turning to grab his car keys. “I’ll come with you.”

  I shook my head sternly. “No way! You’ll look like an obsessive stalker boyfriend that can’t let his girl go to get waxed without him being there! You said I could have some privacy for this,” I whined, pouting. I’d become pretty adept at getting what I wanted from him. He didn’t seem to be able to tell me no very easily, unless it was something about my safety and then he would refuse point blank and not budge an inch.

  “Well, you can’t go with one guard so…” he trailed off, shrugging as if it was decided.

  I rolled my eyes. “Peter’s coming too.” I pushed him away from the door gently and took the keys from his hand, tossing them back onto the side. “I’ll see you later.” I grinned, knowing I’d won. As I turned to make my exit, his hand closed over my arm, holding me in place as he put his cell phone to his ear.

  “Hey, Dean, are you taking Anna for her appointment? Yeah, Peter’s going too though, right? Okay, well I should have been told. I don’t know why I wasn’t informed earlier. Look, just stay with her. I want you inside the store. No, inside! Peter can be outside. Right, I know. Yeah fine. Call me when you leave there,” he growled into the phone sounding a little grouchy and extremely authoritative. There was no doubt that Ashton was in charge out of the three of them; even though he was only twenty-one, the other two really respected him. He disconnected the call and looked at me sternly. “Anna, you do not leave Dean’s side. You do as you’re told, and you call me and let me know you’re okay when you get there and as you’re leaving,” he ordered, his face stern and warning.

  I giggled. I love the sexy SWAT agent mode he switched into sometimes. “Yes, sir,” I purred, pursing my lips. I could see the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

  “I’m serious, Anna,” he stated, looking me straight in the eyes.

  I sighed. “I know you’re serious. You only call me Anna when you’re serious. I promise I will stay with Dean at all times, and I’ll call you when I get there,” I reassured him, smiling.

  He frowned, still looking annoyed. “And when you leave,” he added.

  I nodded, grinning. “And when I leave,” I agreed. “If you’re really worried, you could always call me.” I stepped forward and kissed his cheek softly.

  When he hugged me I could feel how tense he was all over, his muscles all bunched up and tight. “Be safe, please?” he begged.

  “I will,” I promised. “Make sure you do something fun while I’m not here. Sleep with some girls, walk around naked, call Nate, I don’t know,” I suggested, waving my hand in an example of the various things he could do while he was free.

  “Sleep with some girls? You know you’re the only girl I sleep with.”

  “Sorry, bad choice of words. Go get laid, Ashton, and chill out,” I replied grinning.

  “Maybe I will, what will you say then?” he teased.

  My heart suddenly stopped, and I got so jealous that I could feel the anger bubbling up inside me, bursting to come out. Holy crap, he’s not yours, Anna! The man has needs, stop being an idiot; you don’t want to be with him. However, my mental scolding didn’t stop the jealousy from brewing inside me.

  “I would say, use protection and don’t make my bed smell like sex,” I lied, frowning, trying to sound blasé about it.

  He sighed deeply and frowned; I got the distinct impression that wasn’t the answer he wanted. “Right. Well, be safe,” he muttered, pulling open the front door.

  I frowned angrily at myself. What the heck was wrong with me? Why was I so jealous? I wanted to wait outside the apartment, stalker-style, and wait to see if a
girl showed up and if she did, I wanted to rip her head off. I took a few calming breaths and forced myself to stop being possessive over a man that wasn’t actually mine. As I walked out of the apartment, I could see Ashton in quiet talks with Dean and Peter. They both looked appropriately abashed so I would imagine they were being berated for not telling him we were planning on going out for a while.

  Without waiting for them, I pressed the call button on the elevator and stepped in when it opened. “You two coming or am I going on my own?” I called teasingly as my finger hovered over the close doors button. Ashton’s hand slammed against the door frame, holding it open as he raised one eyebrow in silent warning and then ushered my two far guards in with me.

  As the door closed, I winced in Dean’s direction because he was the one that seemed to have taken the brunt of Ashton’s annoyance. “Sorry. Thanks for doing this guys, I know he’s gonna be calling and being a general pain in the butt until we get back.” I smiled apologetically at the pair of them.

  He shook his head and smiled back. “Don’t worry about it, Annabelle, he’s harmless. Well, as long as we bring you home in one piece,” he joked as the elevator lurched down towards the parking lot floor.

  An hour and a half later, I had everything that I wanted. “Do you guys mind keeping all of this stuff at yours?” I asked as we pulled up at our apartment.

  Dean shrugged. “Yeah, no probs,” he agreed, picking up the numerous bags containing my shopping. “Come on; let’s get you back with Ashton before he has kittens. He’s already called me eight times,” he suggested, grinning.

  As soon as I walked through the door of our apartment, Ashton grabbed me into a huge hug; I laughed and hugged him back as he lifted me off my feet so he didn’t have to bend. My legs seemed to act of their own accord as they wound around his waist, clamping myself to him tightly. He carried me into the lounge and sat on the sofa with me still wrapped around him, not wanting to let him go. It was weird being without him actually; I’d missed him so much more than I thought I would. I was certainly used to being around him all day everyday.