Guarding the Broken Read online

  “Ashton,” My voice was so thick with lust that it didn’t sound like mine at all.

  “Mmm?” he murmured, dipping his head and licking the skin between my breasts as his fingers went to the button of my shorts, tugging eagerly.

  I gulped, swallowing my lust. “Ashton,” I repeated, trying to get his attention. I shook my head quickly, closing my hand over his and stopping him from unfastening my shorts. Once my shorts were off and his hands were there, I would surely forget what I needed to say.

  He stopped immediately. His eyes widened in horror as he pushed himself up off me, rolling to his side, holding his hands up innocently. “Shit, I’m sorry! I got carried away. I didn’t mean to take it that far, I’m really sorry. Are you okay, Baby Girl?” he apologised, wincing.

  I smiled reassuringly because he’d clearly jumped to the wrong conclusion about why I asked him to stop. I rolled to the side, pushing him onto his back before swinging my leg over his body, straddling him. As I looked down at him, I tried extremely hard not to notice how excited he was downstairs or how nice he felt between my thighs. I needed to concentrate, and that thought wouldn’t help at all.

  “I need to talk to you,” I muttered.

  “Okay,” he nodded, moving to sit up but I put my hands on his shoulders, pushing him back down onto the bed.

  I took a deep breath to calm myself and my raging hormones. I silently prayed that he was agreeable because I needed him tonight. “I want you right now,” I admitted.

  A breathtaking smile stretched across his face. “I want you right now too.”

  He moved to sit up again, so I pushed him back down, leaving my hands on his shoulders. I needed to explain before this went any further, he needed to understand and agree to it before this could happen. “I just want you for tonight, that’s all. Tomorrow we pretend like this never happened,” I offered, biting my lip, begging him with my eyes to accept.

  He frowned. His expression was like I’d just slapped him in the face. He looked both hurt and shocked. “Anna, what? I don’t want to pretend that it never happened.”

  My heart sank. “Please?” I begged. “I need you. Ever since that first time we were together, I just can’t stop thinking about it. Sex, no strings, one night, I’ll do whatever you want. It’s your birthday, so you name it and I’ll do it,” I bargained as I ran my fingertips down his chest.

  “Anna, I don’t just want you for one night.” His voice was a little strained and the sad tone of it made my heart ache.

  “I just want to make myself happy, just for one night. I promise I won’t feel guilty about it tomorrow and get upset. I promise, please?” I leant down so our faces were inches apart. Indecision was clear across his face. “Please? I want you and I know you want me too. Just for tonight?”

  “Tell me why you won’t let me in,” he said suddenly. “Try and explain it to me.” His eyes searched mine for answers that I myself didn’t even know.

  I blinked, a little shocked at his request and the sudden change in conversation. I sighed, feeling dejected. Clearly my request was ruining the easy relationship we had. I shouldn’t have wished to be happy, even for one night, because I obviously didn’t deserve it.

  “I just… can’t. I let Jack in and when he died, it killed me inside. I’m broken. I don’t have anything to give you. Jack took all of me when he died,” I whispered, closing my eyes. I knew that wasn’t true though, Jack didn’t take everything, I thought for the longest time that he had, but since I’d met Ashton, I’d started to feel again. I couldn’t be dead inside because I could feel the tug at my heart when Ashton looked at me just as he was looking at me now: pleading and hurt. I wanted to make him feel better; it was almost painful to see that look on his face. So that was how I knew that my heart didn’t die when Jack did. The trouble was, I couldn’t let Ashton have my heart. I couldn’t feel heartbreak again; I wouldn’t live through it a second time. I wasn’t strong enough to go through another man leaving me; I couldn’t open myself up like that again. But I could give myself to him physically and give us what we both wanted.

  “But if you could just give me a chance…” He looked at me pleadingly, begging me with his sad puppy dog face.

  I shook my head fiercely. “No. I’ve been there and felt what it’s like to have your heart ripped out. I won’t ever let myself get in that position again, not ever. I can’t.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “But I just want to feel happy for one night. I want to be normal and not worry about anything or anyone. Please? Will you just… make me forget everything, Ashton?” I begged.

  I could feel the disappointment and devastation building inside with each passing second. Tears welled in my eyes as I pressed my face into the side of his neck, willing them not to fall as I breathed in his smell that I was fast becoming addicted to. His arms wrapped tightly around me and hugged me to him while I fought for control.

  After a couple of minutes he spoke, “This is what you want? Just one night? Sex, no strings?” I nodded, not taking my face from its nice little hiding place; I could feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. He rolled suddenly so I was under him again. “You know I want more than that, don’t you?”

  My eyes widened in surprise. Was he about to say yes? “I can’t give you more than that,” I whispered in answer. His eyes fluttered closed as he sighed. I waited, feeling hope building in my chest. When his eyes opened again, they burned with a passion that made my stomach twist into a knot. After a slight nod of his head, his lips claimed mine in a scorching hot kiss that resonated through every single cell in my body.

  I whimpered as the excitement became almost too much to bear. I smiled against his lips as my hands hurriedly went to his belt buckle. My fingers were shaking, making the process hard as I unfastened the buttons on his jeans and pushed them down slightly, sliding my hand down the back of his underwear, feeling his tight little behind. A moan of appreciation left my lips as the kiss deepened and turned into something that burned through my senses, leaving me barely able to breathe.

  As he unfastened my bra and slid it off, his heavily-lidded eyes showed his appreciation. “You are so beautiful, Anna,” he whispered, dipping his head and flicking his tongue over the tip of my nipple. I moaned and arched my back, trying to get closer to him as his tongue lavished attention on my sensitive skin. He smiled and blew gently across the wet trail, making my skin tighten and my arousal bump up another notch.

  While his hands worked the buttons of my shorts and pushed them down, his mouth travelled further down, sucking on the skin of my stomach, dipping into my belly button. His weight shifted off of me as his thumbs hooked into the side of my panties, easing them down my thighs teasingly. His hot tongue made its way down my leg before coming back up again. He nudged my thighs apart as he settled himself between them and looked up at me with a devilish glint to his eyes.

  My body jerked involuntarily as he dipped his head and his tongue traced my wet folds. Gasping from both shock and pleasure, my fingers fisted into the sheets as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. This was pleasure like I had never experienced, it was concentrated and strong; waves of it were rolling over and over me in time with the movement of his tongue.

  I whimpered and tried to squirm away from him because it was too much, too good, and I couldn’t cope with it. But before I could get away, his arms wrapped around my thighs, clamping me in place as he carried on with his beautiful, yet torturous assault. My moans bordered on obscene as I raised my hips, trying to get closer to his mouth, yet at the same time I wanted to be further away from it. At this point I didn’t know which I wanted more. As his fingers pushed into me at the same time, he made a deep moaning sound in the back of his throat.

  I gasped his name as the pleasure suddenly took me to new heights. My body felt like it was on fire as he pumped his fingers at the same rhythm as he was working his tongue. I could feel my climax building; my whole body trembling and shaking. When his teeth nipped me, it felt like I shattered inside an
d everything came to a glorious and beautiful head. My body jerked as I cried out his name breathlessly.

  He chuckled, easing his fingers out of me as I lay there panting for breath. I blinked a couple of times, trying to come back to reality as I looked up in time to see him sucking on his fingers. “Was that the thing that you liked that I did with my hand?” he teased, smirking at me confidently.

  I giggled and nodded, chewing on my bottom lip. His eyes flashed with excitement as he hovered over me, just looking at me with that soft and tender look that he always had for me.

  I smiled happily. “My turn now,” I announced, pushing on his body and guiding him onto his back. My eyes flitted down his body, taking in every glorious inch of it before I bent and trailed my tongue across his abs, following the lines of his muscles. His skin tasted delicious and made my scalp prickle. As he put both hands behind his head and smiled down at me in obvious enjoyment, my tongue and lips worshipped every line of muscle on his sculpted chest, every bump, every groove. He was perfection, and I had never seen anything more beautiful. His jeans were already loose around his hips so I tugged them off easily, along with his boxer shorts. The sight of him naked made my ache inside me come back with a vengeance. I sat up, just looking him over unashamedly, taking in every beautiful inch of him and memorising it so I could see it when I closed my eyes at night.

  When I couldn’t stand not touching him any longer, I reached out and closed my hand around his erection. My breathing sped at the feel of it and memories of how good it felt inside me surfaced and made my stomach quiver with anticipation. But first I owed him something. I bent my head and licked the drop of wetness from the tip, before tracing my tongue down the underside and back up again. Taking the tip of it into my mouth, I sucked gently before pushing down further, sucking harder as my hand started to move too. I wasn’t even there a minute though before he groaned and gripped the tops of my arms, pulling me up his body as he shook his head.

  My face filled with embarrassed heat. “Did I do something wrong?” I asked, horrified because he hadn’t liked what I was doing.

  “No, of course not. The opposite, in fact.” His hand tangled into the back of my hair. “I don’t want this over too quickly and your hot, little mouth sucking on me like that is gonna make me finish way too soon,” he answered, grinning wickedly.

  I giggled, wriggling on top of him as a sense of pride swept over me because I’d clearly pleased him. He guided my mouth back to his again and as my tongue touched his, I could taste myself on his tongue. Strangely, it made the kiss even better, even more erotic and sexy. His hand trailed down my back, cupping my ass and shifting me so that we rubbed together. A breathless moan erupted from within me as I bit on his bottom lip roughly.

  “Do you have a condom?” I asked breathlessly, genuinely not caring if he didn’t.

  He nodded in answer, reaching over towards his bedside drawer and pulling it open. As he fumbled in there and pulled out a strip of condoms, I moved off him, watching as he ripped off a packet and tore it open with his teeth. He got to his knees, carefully rolling it on before looking back to me with a stunning smile that I couldn’t help but return. When he grabbed my thighs and jerked me forwards, I fell back into the pillows and giggled. He laughed too, manoeuvring himself on top of me as he kissed me again.

  The air in the room seemed to be getting thicker as I wrapped my arms around his body, digging my fingers into his back. His hand gripped the back of my knee, guiding my leg up around his waist as he pressed forward gently, easing himself into me so slowly that it made every nerve ending in my body scream. I was so on edge that I accidentally bit down onto his shoulder and dug my fingers into his ass as I raised my hips to meet his.

  He groaned as he buried himself into me entirely. “Shit. So good. I forgot,” he moaned, kissing me deeply as he moved slowly, starting up a rhythm that made my heart hammer in my chest.

  It was strange when I was like this with Ashton; it was like it was meant to be. He fitted me so perfectly, and everything in my world seemed good, healed, and incredible. He was the only one in the world I could be this close to, and let have this power over me. I trusted him and only him.

  I couldn’t keep still under him as he controlled my body perfectly, strumming it, playing it like we had done this hundreds of times before. It seemed like he knew exactly how and where to touch me. My mind was slowly melting at his touch. Sweat covered my skin in a thin sheen as I raised my hips to meet his and clawed at his back in ecstasy. My body was racing towards its climax; with every thrust he was pushing me towards my end. His mouth lavished attention on my body, driving me into a state of wild abandon.

  As my body seemed to get hotter and hotter, my pulse drummed in my ears and finally my body shattered, coming apart under him and his expert touch. I cried out his name as my eyes filled with tears because of the intense sensations. My whole body was quivering in pleasure and my heart crashed in my ears. It felt like heaven, like a waking dream. His lips claimed mine in a kiss that felt like it could devour my soul as he let out a long groan. His body stiffened on top of me and he thrust another couple of times as he reached his end too.

  When he pulled back slightly, I looked up into his face. He was smiling down at me, his eyes filled with passion, tenderness, and something that I could easily mistake for love, but it couldn’t be that. I dismissed it as gratitude because he hadn’t had sex for two months.

  “Holy shit, Baby Girl, that was incredible,” he growled, kissing along my cheeks to nibble on my earlobe as he eased out of me.

  “You were just okay,” I joked breathlessly as he rolled to the side and pulled the condom off, throwing it into the trashcan before turning back to me to wrap me in his arms.

  “Don’t tell me… you’ve had better,” he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes jokingly. My heart stopped at his words. I’d only ever been with him and Carter. Tears stung my eyes as my throat seemed to tighten. Ashton’s eyes widened as he gasped and shook his head, cupping my face in his hands. “Fuck. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think, I didn’t mean it like that. I was just kidding. I’m so, so sorry!”

  I forced a smile even though my heart now hurt at the reminder. It seemed like I would never escape the fact that I was dirty and used, not even for a moment. “It’s alright. Don’t worry,” I lied.

  He grimaced and kissed the tip of my nose. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, kissing my nose.

  “Just forget it, it’s fine.” I knew he hadn’t meant it that way at all, but it was just the reminder that hurt. I didn’t for a second think that he had meant to bring up Carter; it was just a joke than he hadn’t thought through. “Just for the record, I think you were incredible too, and I’ll never have better,” I said honestly. I knew that for a fact because I’d never have anyone else. I kissed him again, cuddling close to his side as I buried my face in his chest, breathing in his delicious smell. I instantly felt better. His body didn’t relax at my reassurances though. His muscles were still bunched; his arms were too stiff around me. I moved back, looking up to see his tense face. He was clearly angry with himself. Reaching out, I smoothed his frown line from his forehead. “It’s okay, I promise.”

  He sighed heavily. “Man, I’m such a douchebag. I can’t believe I said that to you.”

  I smiled. “Just forget it. I have.” I decided then that I refused to think about anything bad after I had just had the most incredible sex ever. He rolled to his side so we were facing each other. His body was still tense, so I snuggled closer to him and kissed his lips softly. For a few minutes, we just lay there in silence, looking at each other as his fingers tickled up and down my spine. Finally, he spoke, “Thank you for today, I’ve honestly had the best birthday ever,” he said quietly.

  I smiled. “I had a great day too,” I replied. “Although I feel guilty because you’ve technically been working and couldn’t drink and stuff because I’m here. You really should have just come on your own; you would have had so much more fun.”<
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  He shook his head in protest. “Baby Girl, you are what made my day great. I don’t care if I don’t drink,” he countered. I smiled and he leant forward, kissing me again hungrily. He moaned in the back of his throat and tightened his hold on me. Where we were pressed so tightly against one another, I could feel that he was starting to get excited again. I grinned against his lips, and he pulled back, smiling at me tenderly as he combed his fingers through my hair. “What’s funny?” he asked.

  “You’re like some kind of machine. It’s lucky we agreed on one night, and not one time, huh?” I teased, running my finger down his chest and raising one eyebrow when I got to his groin. He grunted, obviously shocked, but a slow smile spread across his face before he covered my mouth with his and we started all over again.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I woke in the morning, naked and wrapped in his arms. He was stretched out behind me, spooning me. One of his hands rested on my hip, and the other was cupping my breast. The thought of being naked in his bed and us being in such an intimate position made a blush creep up onto my cheeks. Not that I had to worry about him seeing me naked though, after all, he’d probably kissed every inch of my body last night during the three times that we’d had sex.

  A satisfied smiled crept onto my lips. I refused to feel guilty about it today, I was entitled to one night of pleasure after the years of misery I’d had recently. I pressed myself back into his body, wanting to melt into him. I loved waking up next to him in the morning, he was so warm and comforting and the fact that he had never spent the night with another girl made me feel special.

  He moaned sleepily and wrapped his arms tighter around me, lazily kissing the back of my head. I turned my head to look at him, leaving my body pressed against his, not wanting him to let go yet.

  “Hi,” I murmured sheepishly.

  He grinned not making any moves to let go of me. “Hi. How are you feeling this morning?” He looked a little worried, as if he were waiting for a meltdown at any moment.